Never say Never

Had you asked me 2 years ago, I would have told you for sure that I was only going to have one child.  In my twenties when I told my parents that I didn't plan on any, my mother said, "we'll see".  After my son was born, when I was twenty five, I thought that one is good.  Kids can be a lot of work, all worth it, but a lot of work.  Leaving you exhausted at the end of the day, feeling like there is no room for you left in your day, spending all your time/money/energy on others, but I do it all for my family, happily.

It started last May, I began to feel depleted.  Sick, and not wanting to get out of bed.  I skipped a close friend's baby shower.  I didn't feel like going to my beloved pottery class.  Something was wrong.

Then, like a light bulb above my head in a cartoon- I was pregnant.  I knew it before the two lines appeared on my home pregnancy test.  Change was a coming.  Unlike the first time I found myself unexpectedly pregnant, I felt slightly more prepared.  Slightly.  I always marveled at pregnant ladies who choose to be pregnant, nay planned to be pregnant and always appear so confident and sure about the whole experience.  They had chosen this path and everything would work out just fine.

Once you reach the "advanced" maternal age of 35, you have to go to many more doctor's appointments, and tests.  It can make a person feel that possibly this was a bad idea, maybe it won't work out alright. Toward the end of the pregnancy I was seeing my doctor once a week, and the perinatologist once a week, and still working , because I'm a knucklehead like that.  At the perinatologist one week they had said that there was a slightly elevated level of fluid in one of the vents (in the brain).  I was worried sick.  On the next visit they said it was fine.

I got two really bad kidney infections that landing me in the hospital- twice.  I had never had to stay at the hospital before.     They would pump me full of IV fluids and antibiotics, and pain pills (which I was really uncertain about).  But as anyone who has had kidney pain will tell you, it's not a joke, and you need help dealing with that kind of pain.  I will say this about staying at the hospital, the food was really kind of good.  Is that weird?

In the end I had an emergency C-section, due to detaching placenta.  Although I was scared out of my mind, my awesome doctor made me feel secure that everything would work out.  And when it did, no one was more surprised or delighted than me.

new beginnings

Happy 2017!  Everybody loves the opportunity to begin anew.  As long as you are breathing there is the chance for reinvention.  I reject the idea of New year's resolutions.  People will make all kinds of promises that will be forgotten by February.  Instead I enjoy setting a goal, and not sharing it.  Weird? Yes, I suppose, but something I have learned recently that the positive reinforcement you receive from telling people about your goal reacts the same in your brain as telling them about achieving your goal.  And so, I'm not telling, just yet.  (:

2016 definitely had it's ups and downs, but we are here.  We made it through.  We tried our best and will continue to do so.  I hoping 2017 will be full of learning, loving, growing, art making, joy, peace, and happiness.

xo

Currently...

In the days following the election, I have been experiencing what I can only call depression.  Not only did the candidate I voted for lose ( although she won the popular vote), but to many it seems that love, peace, and understanding also lost.  Many (myself included) feel lost, without purpose, confused, and afraid.  My very sweet neighbor was almost in tears yesterday as we spoke about our frustration about the political situation.

I am heartbroken.

The only choice now is to put forth more effort in the direction of love and compassion.  We cannot sit idly by while changes are made in the opposite direction of progress.  With this sentiment in mind, I will be trying to do my part to contribute in a positive way to my world. In the coming week I will be adding a charity item to my
ETSY page; of which 100% of the process will benefit Planned Parenthood a cause that is very important to me.  It's something small, but its something I can do.  Now is the time to stand up, let our voices be heard.

I found this quote to be quite relevant, in addition to that fact that the author passed away on Thursday.

"Ring the bells that can still ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in"
-Leonard Cohen

Power Thoughts

"Be the change you want to see in the world"

I would like to bring more kindness, compassion, and joy to the world.  I'm not exactly sure how I plan on doing this, but it's my goal.  Wanted to put it out there in the universe.

xo

Let's talk movies! "Amy"

Amy Winehouse wanted to sing and write music that really spoke from her heart.  She had a raw and beautiful talent that was obvious to those around her.  She was not ready for the feeding frenzy the all too often comes with fame, but if you listen closely all the revaluations that this documentary illuminates are already laid out for you in her music.

The director Asif Kapadia did a really amazing job of telling the story behind the star.  He left nothing out: the dramatic rise to super stardom, the drugs, the eating disorder, the harsh reality of fame; but the way he did it left you with a clear picture of this talented musician.  He didn't portray her as the victim, nor demonize her in any way but rather focuses the attention on her unique talents and style, showing you who this woman really was, and I feel, an honest look at her story.

It was clear from the start that this lady could sing, and that she had a real true talent.  She decided that because the songs available weren't to her liking, she thought she'd have a go at it.  Everyone fell in love with her and her music.  As her star began to rise, and the money began to quickly roll in, there wasn't very much guidance from people that she trusted.  Her father, who had once abandoned her family when she was about 9, quickly came back when she became rich and famous.  As most people will remember from her famous single: it had become clear that rehab was needed, but when her father said she didn't need it, and she simply didn't go.  That was before she became a super star, and before Blake, it could have made a real change, but it wasn't to be.  The film shows all the parts the media relentlessly covered, the sad drama of someone becoming unhinged, addicted to drugs, addicted to a man who was using her; but also how hard it is when everyone wants a piece of you and you are just struggling to find peace.  Instead of focusing on all the sadness, the documentary tells the story of the artist with her music.

I highly recommend this movie.  I was a little unsure about it, although the trailer really drew me in; because I knew that in the end the person you are routing for tragically dies.  However, the film is beautifully done, and I believe that if Amy where alive, she would have approved of her story being told in this way.

Dear old Dad

On this special day dedicated to Father's everywhere:  A few selected words for an important dad in my life:
Not perfect, but perfectly Dad.

I'm so incredibly grateful to share the experience of parenthood with you.

We love you more than words can express.  I'm so happy that you are ours.

xo Dinah & Mr. Blu

Summertime

 

So it's summer again.  In South Florida that means that it's 90 degrees + enough humidity to melt all your make up off by 9am.  The only time I generally spend outside is the time it takes to walk to my car, or time spent sitting next to the pool.  Other than that- it's too freaking hot.  

As soon as the kiddo is out of school, I start thinking about summer vacation.
I'm taking my parents to the airport on Tuesday, because they are on their way to New York, to pick up their vintage GMC camper.  I'm so excited for them.  My Dad has been hunting one down for a few years, and he finally found the one for them.  Our camper is one that I bought off Craigslist for $700 bucks, and because of a roof leak we had to remove the air conditioner.  So with the sweltering heat of summer, she is an unlikely candidate for a summer trip. ):  Although it's a little difficult to plan, we will be going on a summer trip somewhere, I'm just not sure yet.

 Until the right plan comes to me, for a exciting and affordable summer getaway, I'll be bobbing in the pool daydreaming of summer travel.  Any good Ideas for me?

xo Dinah!